Monday, August 1, 2016

I have had a headache for a week.

My face is broken out like a pre-teen.  And I cried myself to sleep last night.  What's happening, you ask?  My little girl started Kindergarten today.

This little human who has been by my side for 5 and half years is now going to be spending a huge chunk of time in someone else's care.  And I can't seem to wrap my head around it.  She still seems like a baby, but I know she isn't.  I know she is ready.  I just have to get myself to be ready too.

Andy and I did a lot of research about schools and we both fell in love with one in particular; however, we didn't get in there and had to go with our second choice.  Which is a good, solid choice, but still not THE choice.

As I lay in bed with my mind racing last night, I kept thinking about whether I would be more calm if she were going to this other school.  I don't know the answer, but I can guess that a lot of my feelings are exactly feelings.  Of wanting the best for her, of wanting a school that runs as close to our home life as possible, of wanting her to be seen as an individual and to be supported and pushed in keeping with her individuality, of wanting her by my side when we go on daily adventures, of not being ready for this part to be over.

Whenever I pictured myself as a mom, even before I was one, I saw babies and toddlers.  I didn't plan and envision this next step.  And it is definitely taken me longer to adjust then my mighty girl.

Today as we walked to school, she held my hand.  She asked me questions about what it would be like, and told me how excited she was.  I was able to tell her that I was so excited for her too!  Even though I was choking back tears.  And when we were standing in line to go into the building, my own thoughts were of scooping her into my arms and running for the hills, and then I looked down at her.

She was nervous, I could tell, and she seemed so small, but when it was her turn to go in, she nodded, let go of hand, and walked through the door.